Money, money, money…
Some would say that it is what makes the world go around –money. How do you see it and what is your relationship with money? This is one of the things that will often come up in the counseling room and it sparks quite the conversation. The way that you choose to handle money will have a great impact on your relationship. Let me say right here at the beginning of this post, I am not a financial planner however I have seen (and read a good bit) how money affects relationships. There are many impacts that money has, but let me draw your attention to one slice of this pie today; accounts. Do you pool your money together as a couple, or do you maintain separate accounts?
If you do an online search, you will find arguments for and against either position, yet if you are looking through the lens of ‘marriage’ you will see that there is a slight edge in support of couples pooling money together. There are many surveys and polls that will result in couples stating that they keep money separate, however there are research studies and experiments that tend to state that pooling money together yields more happiness and contentment in the long run.
I have maintained the attitude that pooling money together is yet one more way that a couple becomes “one” in the marriage commitment. If one of you is a saver and the other a spender this could create some conflict; though it could also create opportunity for a great conversation and the chance to gain greater understanding. Of course one of the topics that both perspectives take into account is independence. The support for separate accounts states as a major argument that if the money is in separate accounts, then it makes things a little easier if the relationship doesn’t work out. The support for pooling money sees this as a way that does not give fully to the commitment of the relationship, thus not an ‘all in’ attitude which may detract from the communal nature of marriage which supports a more interdependent mindset.
If money is one of the areas that you and your spouse struggle with, let me suggest that you find a financial advisor that can assist you in managing the financial conversation. If you need help just getting to the conversation then come and see me and let’s work on good communication skills. Good clear communication and working hard to understand one another, as well as treating one another with respect and goodwill, are foundational elements to this potentially challenging area of relationships.
Yes, money makes the world go ‘round, but does it also make you go ‘round and round’ in argument? Rather than driving a wedge between you, how can that conversation bring you closer? Are you ready to get off of that particular money merry-go-round?
If you struggle to have the ‘money’ conversations, or if you know that each of you see (or approach) money differently, let me help you get moving in the right direction. Make an appointment and let’s see if we can get you unstuck and begin to understand how you can come together even if you are very different. To schedule a session click on this LINK.