Speak Love To Each Enneagram Type

Posted: February 10, 2020

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few years you’ve probably at least heard of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. So, in case you are just now peeking out from under your rock here’s the general idea of love languages. We each attempt show love to others in the way that we are comfortable receiving love from others. For example, if I feel the most loved when someone speaks kindly to me or gives me a compliment then my natural inclination is going to be to express love to someone else by using kind words and praises. Here’s the rub; Not everyone feels loved when praised or complimented. As a matter of fact, some people feel self- conscious or awkward when people sing their praises. If I want to convey love to someone I MUST learn what “language” that person speaks and use it to get my message across. In the same way, each ENNEAGRAM TYPE receives love differently than the other. What says “I LOVE YOU” to a type 3 is going to be very different than what a type 5 needs to hear or see to feel cherished or valued.

Here’s the challenge for you during the month of February:

Learn your own enneagram type – (I can help you with that if you don’t know where to start)

Learn the Enneagram Types of those that you love

Intentionally speak/show them love in their own language.

Here are some suggestions to help you say “I LOVE YOU” in the “language” that each Enneagram Type craves. These tips (and maybe a little chocolate) will make anyone in your life feel cherished and special. XOXO

Type 1

Be kind to me and to others. Recognize when you need to apologize (not just to me but anyone) When you do apologize, do it sincerely. Talk with me about my ideas and affirm me for being open enough to share my heart (even if my ideas aren’t amazing) Let me know that I can count on you by making an effort to keep your promises, being on time and trying not to make last minute changes to our plans or worse yet not showing up at all.

Type 2

Tell me often that you love me; I never get tired of hearing it. I love to serve others but I need you to encourage me to have healthy boundaries and know when to say “no”. Gently encourage me to take care of my own needs sometimes. Listen. Be my safe place to vent; I have words and I need to use them. Thoughtful gestures and gifts demonstrate to me that you care about my happiness.

Type 3

I need to hear you say that you love me and that you are proud of me just for who I am and not just what I do. However, I love it when you celebrate my accomplishments with me. Since I’m always busy, it means so much to me when you enthusiastically join me or support me in my projects. Your encouragement is priceless.

Type 4

I love it when you appreciate my uniqueness. Be my person. I sometimes feel awkward in social situations, so it means so much for me to have you nearby when we go out. Reassure me that you aren’t going anywhere. I need to know that you are in this crazy life with me through thick and thin. When you appreciate and praise my creative nature it tells me that you really do love who I am.

Type 5

I need to hear you say that you think I am smart and that you respect my judgement. I love it when you trust me enough to ask for my opinion and to make important decisions. It’s really difficult for me to be vulnerable with my feelings so be my safe person who I can express my emotions to. Take care of your own needs and encourage me to rest when you notice me spiraling. I need a little alone time every now and then and it makes me happy when you encourage that.

Type 6

I need to know that you’re in this with me for the long haul. Your loyalty in every aspect of life is such a comfort to me. My threat radar is always ON so help me to rest, play and let my guard down when I need to. It is such a comfort to me when I am able to express my anxiety and concerns (however far-fetched) to you knowing that you will not dismiss me.

Type 7

I need you to be my playmate and friend. Enjoy life with me and be spontaneous every now and then. Plan fun getaways where we can forget our cares for a little while. Be patient with me when circumstances in life get boring or difficult. Help me to see the value in quality experiences. Celebrate my creativity and zest for life. Listen to me and encourage my plans while at the same time being my kind voice of reason.

Type 8

I need for you to be ready for whatever life throws at us. I want to know that you are up to the challenge and can match my intensity in life. I love it when you are willing to have a good discussion or debate without getting your feeling hurt. Join me in my projects but encourage me to rest when I take on too much. Being truthful and saying what you mean in kindness mean the world to me

Type 9

More than almost anything I need to know that I matter to you. I need to know that you feel better off that I am in your life. I love for all of my relationships to be peaceful so please be my comfortable friend that will shy away from drama and chaos. If we need to have a stressful conversation it would mean so much to be if it is done with gentleness and humility. Give and take heart to heart conversations are a joy for me. It genuinely makes me happy to see you happy, so share your joy with me.