Love is Needy

How do you know if your spouse is really feeling loved and valued?  You may say to them “I love you” or you may buy them gifts, give hugs or send them flowers and that should be enough to convey your love right? Those things are great in and of themselves, but they are not enough to let your spouse know that they are truly loved and cherished.   A colleague of mine is known for saying that “when Needs are met, Love is  FELT”. In other words, meeting the emotional needs of your spouse is what will convey to them that they are truly loved.  

Emotional Needs are funny things.  We tend to equate them with our wants.  For instance, we “want” to be accepted but if we aren’t accepted we will assume that we can get by without it.  This assumption puts us in a dangerous place emotionally.  Emotional needs are called NEEDS for a reason.  Relationships are greatly stressed and are not healthy, mature without having those NEEDS met.  One thing that I tell all my clients regularly is that “Needs WILL be met.”  They will be met in healthy ways  OR in destructive, unhealthy ways.  For example, If Comfort is a priority need for you and that need is not met by your spouse, parent or close friend you may attempt to find Comfort in an illicit relationship or with the use of a substance etc.   One of the wonderful things about marriage is that you are uniquely placed in the perfect position to meet your spouse’s needs.  With some intentionality, you can discover what they need most and then you can do your best to meet those needs.  Meeting their emotional need(s)  WILL speak love to them like nothing else will. 

Top 10 Emotional Needs 

Comfort: To respond to another with empathy and care using words, physical touch and acts of kindness.

Acceptance: Receiving someone willingly and unconditionally without trying to change them. Willingness to continue loving them in spite of imperfections or quirks.

 Encouragement: Conveying words or actions that build up someone’s confidence and self esteem; urging them to keep on.

Appreciation: Recognizing and acknowledging someone’s efforts with thanks and praise. To express thanks for the things they do.

Respect: Valuing the wishes, opinions and traditions of another. Treating someone as important and honored.

Approval:Conveying that you are okay with and genuinely admire the person that they are; To accept them without trying to change them.

Attention: Displaying interest, care, or concern for someone. Willingness to spend uninterrupted time with someone and enter into their world.

Support: To be a loyal teammate with someone; to be “in their corner”. To offer aid and encouragement that will help them meet their goals.

Affection: Expressing care and closeness through the use of physical touch and words that convey loving feelings.

Security: Harmony in relationship; freedom from the fear of disloyalty or abandonment. Knowing that your partner is committed to you and the relationship.

  You and your spouse can take our inventory to determine each other’s top emotional needs and get coaching on exactly how to go about meeting those needs and loving each other well.  Give us a call today to get started.  (904) 885-0215