• Us Likes Hobby Lobby

    I know, I know… “Us likes Hobby Lobby” is not good grammar.  It may not be proper English but it is one of THE BEST relationship concepts you’ll ever learn.  If you can harness the power of the “Us” concept, you will essentially have THE key to relationship harmony.  Big promises, right? So, what exactly is Us? 

    A marriage is made up of two very different people. Two people with different personalities, different backgrounds, different families of origin and different habits. Those two very different people are then expected to come together in a partnership, meet each other’s needs, enjoy each other’s company, make a home, hold down jobs and face whatever challenges life throws at them. It goes without saying that people quickly realize that it is very difficult to blend all of these differences together seamlessly and there begins to be conflict in the home.  Enter the power of “Us.”

    Us is more than just teamwork, it’s a cooperating partnership where each person considers the relationship as a separate and whole entity –as though Us is indeed a separate person that is present all the time. Consider this; as you make decisions during your day, you are either making decisions for yourself or for Us. You should be asking yourself “how is this going to affect me AND how is this going to affect Us?”. If the answer to that question is that Us loses out in any way, then the relationship is put into jeopardy.   If Us wins, you both win.

    In the counseling room, the greatest struggles that I see boil down to selfishness in one form or another. In these cases, the idea of Us is not present because one person has decided (consciously or unconsciously) that their opinion or stance is the most important and they dig in. I am not saying that you need to lose all sense of self and become this weird Frankenstein sort of created being that is a meshed copy of you and your spouse. No, rather I am asserting that you have a healthy view of self in relation to your spouse. It’s knowing that you will sometimes need to be the one yielding and at other times it will need to be your spouse, and sometimes you will both need to yield, BUT it’s all for the benefit of your Us. 

    I like to use this lighthearted example of Us in our marriage: Rebecca loves to go to Hobby Lobby, I do not like to go to Hobby Lobby but Us likes Hobby Lobby.  When Us is at Hobby Lobby we enjoy each other’s company. After a while of browsing and shopping I (Lee) will say that I’d like to move on to the “eating” portion of this outing and Rebecca considers Us and happily agrees.  We both win, so Us wins. Of course, we understand that not every problem is as straightforward and simple as a shopping outing but the concept remains the same no matter how big the issues you are facing. If Us is present in your marriage you will have fewer conflicts and much more peace and harmony at home. 

    How do you know when Us is present? You can feel it. How do you know when Us is not present? You can feel it.  Is Us present in your relationship? If not, give us a call at Brown Counseling and Coaching and let us help you remove the obstacles that are in the way of your Us.